Hey - I've never wanted to be a politician anyway. Politicians make their living off of sound-bites. Which kinda helps explain why our country is in the shape it's in these days.
Meanwhile, some of this week's news stories have been so stark in terms of content, it's hard for me not to dismiss them with some of my own one-liners.
Which, while my one-liners may not be profound, may at least help prevent us from wasting too much more time on them:
> On the 700 Club's Pat Robertson and his claim this week that a husband is morally allowed to divorce his Alzheimer's-stricken wife: "Will the national media NOW realize Robertson doesn't have the credibility to speak as an evangelical Christian?!"
> On the NFL's New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and his call for Boston football fans to show up for the game this Sunday drunk: "So all the ambulance-chasing lawyers can sue you directly when drunken fans driving to Gillette Stadium cause wrecks on Foxborough's Route One?"
> On Democrats now wishing Hillary Clinton, former presidential candidate along with Barak Obama and Obama's current Secretary of State, had been their nominee instead of Obama: "Ouch - don't look now, Mr. President, but the woman who's been trying to clean up your diplomatic blunders for the past three years is apparently the "change" your party would have really preferred."
> On junior-level trader Kweku Adoboli's ability to fraudulently dither away $2 billion in UBS profits - and that it was his own personal confession, instead of internal UBS knowledge of his scam: "It's difficult to evaluate somebody's integrity when the industry in which they work has so little to begin with."
> On Australia's new national passports, the first in the world to feature Male, Female, and "X" categories for gender: "If you don't know what sex you are, you surely don't want the government telling you."
> On Republican Catholic Bob Turner's surprise defeat of Jewish Democrat David Weprin in a special election in New York City: "Nobody can bow to the king of Saudi Arabia and expect New York Jews to 'fuggheddabatit.'"
> On the US Postal Service's threat to eliminate overnight First Class mail if Congress won't let them restructure other parts of their failed business plan: "Do they really think anybody will be able to notice?"
OK. There. I've said it.
And you can quote me on that!