Internal.
Revenue.
Service.
Three words that, together, can immediately conjure up a host of negative emotions.
In a conversation with a secretary at my church, the topic of IRS guidelines for expenditures came up, and how churches have to jump through more and more hoops when documenting every little expense.
I sympathized with my friend, and I agree that churches and other non-profits who want clean books have been burdened by a lot of busy-work by the IRS. However, I wonder how much of the IRS's suffocating accounting requirements may really be our own fault?
Not mine and my friends', of course; but of taxpayers in general.
Being Accountable
Indeed, when it comes to a lot of the encroachments conservatives accuse the government of making into our private lives and freedoms, how much of this government “interference” is the result of Uncle Sam’s thirst for power, and how much of it comes from our own abdication of personal responsibility?
After all, when a parent tries to teach a child personal accountability, and the child repeatedly fails to convince the parent they’re worthy of trust, a good parent will – albeit temporarily – re-assume control over that area from the child and try to teach the lesson again later.
Of course, when the government and the IRS take control of something, they’re loathe to relinquish that control back to us, so my parental analogy only goes so far. But do you see where I’m going?
My friend at church expressed her frustration over what looked like a matter of micro-management from the church's financial office. On the surface, it could have been misconstrued as maybe a subtle power play.
But I’ve worked in the financial office of a large church before. My boss at the time ran a strict set of books. Sometimes my fellow subordinate and I chuckled at how much documentation our boss insisted on having for every little thing. But then she let us read a church accounting newsletter she subscribed to. Its editors described some of the financial shenanigans churches were trying to get away with, and I realized that while the IRS may suffer from a power fetish, it’s gotten a lot of affirmation for its authority from the very organizations that owe it fiduciary integrity.
Of all the tax entities in America, churches should be the ones that strive to be the most above-board in their accounting, but many churches instead try to see how much they can get away with. That doesn’t sound like holy living to me. A lot of church people forget that taxation itself is actually affirmed by Christ when he told His mockers to give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar. Churches that have abdicated their responsibility for abiding by this command have instead handed our privilege to be presumed above reproach to the IRS on a silver platter.
Handing Freedoms on Silver Platters to Uncle Sam
Indeed, how many other rights and freedoms have we handed to the government on a silver platter through our society’s abdication of personal responsibility? Just recently, conservatives howled at President Barak Obama’s new restrictions and additional layer of bureaucracy to ostensibly oversee Wall Street after its infamous mortgage meltdown. How much of this additional heavy-handedness could have been avoided if banks, mortgage companies, and home buyers hadn’t all been too greedy years ago?
After a spate of whistle-blowers, near-misses, maintenance problems, and other issues put a spotlight on the cozy relationship between the Federal Aviation Administration and big airlines, some politicians have started calling for stricter oversight of our sprawling aviation industry. Safety experts have generally heralded the news, while as expected, conservative business analysts decry further government meddling into our de-regulated skies. But what is the extent to which airlines have pressured the FAA to overlook, or at least squint at, their minimizing costs by minimizing maintenance and other factors? When passengers who have waited hours on tarmacs pressured Congress to come up with a “passengers bill of rights,” was Congress' acquiescence an overextension of government authority or simply an automatic response to a problem airlines weren’t willing to address themselves?
Today marks the 100th day of BP’s oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico. Since it began, the Obama administration has been pushing for further regulation and moratoriums on offshore oil drilling activity, claiming that BP’s multiple failures regarding this crisis provide enough proof that oil companies can’t be trusted. Many citizens, politicians, and business interests dependant on the complex offshore oil industry have protested the administration’s actions and fought it in court. Several large energy corporations have pitched money into a $1 billion pot to research state-of-the-art spill response mechanisms to try and demonstrate that they don't need further government oversight. However, two incidents within the past several days in Michigan and New Orleans involving oil spills in waterways don't speak well of an industry which by most accounts has had a duplicitous relationship with the Minerals Management Service, supposedly their government overseer.
Exceptions to the Rule
Which, to a certain extent, creates a case study in what should - and shouldn't - incentivize government “meddling” in affairs like these.
Personally, in relation to the Gulf of Mexico spill, I oppose moratoriums that affect any oil company but BP, because as far as we know, the other players in this industry haven’t spurned prudence like BP has. Yes, there have been accidents and spills, and a certain margin for error must be accommodated for with offshore deep water drilling when we're talking about accessing a commodity which fuels our very way of life. But we've never had anything of this magnitude in US waters, and as time goes by, we're learning more and more about how cavalier and careless BP has been regarding the Deepwater Horizon in particular and their corporate culture in general.
But how can I defend accident-free oil operators when I can't deny that the IRS has the right to apply the same strict reporting standards to all non-profits, not just churches which have proven to have unreliable books? I'm assuming that my church has clean, balanced books, so why should it abide by the same reporting standards as non-profits with tainted books? How can I say that ExxonMobile and other operators should be excluded from restrictions devised in response to a mistake of BP's?
Part of this apparent double-standard comes from the fact that far more non-profits exist than major oil companies. Crooked accounting practices are far more easier to hide than an exploding deepwater rig. In addition, while tax cheats can ruin lives, they rarely take them; whereas oil drilling is dangerous. Yes, tax fraud can cause many people problems for years, just as oil spills can, and I'm not implying that the Minerals Management Service doesn't need to be overhauled with new standards and oversight that affect all players. But as we've seen in the Gulf over these past 100 days, if the same practices and attitudes as BP's were being perpetrated on oil platforms across the globe, we'd be having disasters like this far more frequently. From what we know today, the proof simply doesn't support extending drilling moratoriums past the major culprit in the Gulf disaster, BP.
That's not to say that as the focus intensifies on our energy industry, further problems with other companies won't come to light, and further restrictions won't be forthcoming. If the BP explosion caught other offshore players off-guard, and they've been scrambling to fix their processes and fortify their procedures, then maybe this incident in the Gulf has bought some time for other companies, and they owe BP a favor!
Honesty Isn't Expensive; Cheating Is
The basic issue, however, is being responsible from the get-go. Individuals and corporations shouldn't wait until they're caught before embracing principles and enacting procedures to make themselves and their organizations honest, safe, and even profitable. Apparently, BP thought it was saving money for shareholders by running roughshod over best-practices, but look at how much saving money is costing them now.
Maybe some people want to gamble and risk not getting caught.
Unfortunately, it's those kinds of people who end up making officials like the IRS force everybody to jump through hoops. Setting the rules yourself at the start is a lot easier than somebody else setting them for you later on.
_____
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Kissing the Son
Have right-wing politics begun to crawl into the backseat of America's evangelical church as we speed down our cultural highway?
All the big talking heads from those earnest Moral Majority days have either passed away or faded into obscurity. Although they had valid concerns about our country, they tended to rely more on political parties than the Sovereign One Who laughs at them. Even as they preached the evils of legalism, they insisted they could legislate morality.
Despite the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy Hillary Clinton was convinced the Jerry Falwells of America had amassed, we still got AIDS, high divorce rates, high drug abuse rates, high teenage pregnancy rates, 9/11, and everything else with which they claimed God would plague America. Whether these were legitimate plagues or simply the inevitable fallout from decades of sin by people both inside and outside the church, it's hard to say, because for many leaders of the right, rhetoric often trumped discipline.
Partly as an extension of myopic Moral Majority activism, the evangelical church fragmented as idealistic seeker “paradigms” perpetrated pop culture on congregations nationwide. Eventually, the Republican Party was vilified by even some of its own members for bowing to right-wing special interests and marginalizing its appeal to independents.
We got Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, the biggest government bureaucracy we’ve ever had, and eventually simultaneous wars in the Middle East, along with ownership of GM and a ludicrous Wall Street bailout. Not to mention Rush Limbaugh.
Indeed, looking at our country today, could you guess the Moral Majority ever existed?
Tea and Pie
Not that all has been lost. Despite its kitschy media presence and illogical blowhards like Andrew Breitbart, our underdog Tea Party movement has been a grass-roots coup of sorts. Disenchanted voters of all stripes have emerged to showcase frustrations about over-lobbied legislators and reckless government spending. Although some Republican stalwarts worry Tea Partiers could actually dilute the conservative agenda, Republicans ignore the fact that they've had plenty of opportunities to right our fiscal ship, yet haven't.
Once the envy of pastors everywhere, Willow Creek Community Church’s now-tarnished seeker-sensitive overhaul of Christianity has inadvertently contributed to a backlash towards a more reformed theology, although some neo-Calvinists insist on dragging their electric keyboards along. The evangelical church has also been invaded by an Internet-fueled explosion in trendy preachers and hip ministries each clamoring for an ever-shrinking piece of the Christianity pie.
Which brings us to that part of the Christianity pie that still harbors lingering angst over how we’re supposed to be changing the world for Christ. Despite being accused of colluding with Catholics, respected activist Chuck Colson has launched manhattandeclaration.org in an effort to rally conservatives from multiple faiths around core faith values of heterosexual marriage, the sanctity of life, and religious liberty. Renowned PCA pastor Tim Keller helped found The Gospel Coalition in an effort to differentiate socially-progressive, theologically-conservative churches from more liberal mainline ones. And the granddaddy of them all, Focus on the Family, has seen the passing of the political-activist torch from founder James Dobson to… nobody seems certain.
Churches Reconsidering Their Political Roles
If any mortal knows the new political role our evangelical community is supposed to be playing these days, they’re keeping it a well-guarded secret. Indeed, opinions seem to be all over the map when it comes to how conservative religious leaders think we should be responding to issues like illegal immigration and nationalized healthcare.
Down at Florida’s famous Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church, the death of founding pastor D. James Kennedy, who in his later years turned his pulpit into a hawkish political platform, made way for the comparatively dispassionate Tullian Tchividjian. As successor to Kennedy's staunchly conservative mantle, Tchividjian's reluctance to wear it came as an insult to some in the congregation. They perceived him as waffling on core social principles, a complaint which contributed to a church split which saw 400 people leave last year. How accurate are the frustrations and disappointments of these disaffected members who think Tchividjian is too soft on controversial topics? It’s hard to tell, since Tchividjian's supporters actually barred six rabblerousers from church property, a petulant move which was later castigated by a denominational committee.
Then there’s Keller, who also founded his own church, but on the liberal bastion of Manhattan Island. In multiple sermons, Keller has espoused what sounds to alarmed right-wing hawks like wealth redistribution, where rich church-goers contribute to the needs of less-wealthy congregants to help prevent poverty from disrupting their faith community. Keller, one of the celebrity pastors in the patriarchal Presbyterian Church in America, has also allowed women to serve Holy Communion, which he excuses as an olive branch to liberal urban females. That and other issues seem to have limited Keller's influence outside of reformed circles.
Media darling Rick Warren, pastor of uber-chic Saddleback Church in - where else? - California, has emerged from the seeker crisis he championed alongside Willow Creek with a far more pronounced public image. Warren has tried to play the political field, confounding some conservatives by hosting an election year summit of presidential candidates, despite being accused of playing in to the hands of Democratic political operatives. Some right-wingers have particularly vilified Warren as being too cozy with liberals on environmental issues like global warming.
Not to be outdone in confounding the conservative movement, the Southern Baptist Convention, that historic bastion of conservative ideology, has come out in support of what amounts to amnesty for illegal immigrants from Central America. Their reasoning is based on passages like Exodus 22 and Deuteronomy 10, which basically say Israel should not discriminate against foreigners in her land.
And then there’s Willow Creek’s own Bill Hybels, who not only has curried favor with Democratic politicians in the past, much to the consternation of conservatives, but has now sided with the Southern Baptists in lobbying Congress for illegal immigrant amnesty. Hybels and Leith Anderson, a pastor from suburban Minneapolis and president of the National Association of Evangelicals, claim to be forging new political alliances with Hispanics, many of whom would probably fit the general profile of conservative voters if... well, they were legal and could vote.
Faith Still Matters
Of course, none of these changes means that evangelical Christians no longer matter as voters. In some respects, it may be beneficial. Having people of faith wrestling over these issues rather than just accepting planks of a political party's platform could even result in believers reading their Bibles themselves to see what God really says - or doesn't say - about legislation we think is important.
The recent support by evangelical organizations for what is considered liberal policy - most particularly seen in the debate over illegal immigration, but also over nationalized healthcare and the environment - represents a marked departure for some people of faith who might have previously been expected to vote along the Republican party line. Having this dependable block of voters now segmented by the issues scares some conservatives who anticipate bigger battles over bigger issues and who think they need bigger numbers of voters to sway influence and policy.
While I personally oppose any form of amnesty for people who have intentionally broken laws to enter our country and contribute to the distortion of pay scales for menial labor, I can understand where the Southern Baptists and pastors Hybels and Anderson are coming from when it comes to respecting the dignity of life, even if you are illegal. However, since all three of these espouse the church growth movement, I suspect ulterior motives are at play in addition to their professed concern over human rights.
Other issues complicate our illegal immigration issue here in the United States which don't negate the validity of scripture referencing foreigners in Israel, but could mean those scriptures don't fully apply, either. These issues include Americans who don't want to pay for the real value of labor, immigration policies which can seem to reward the practice of illegal immigration, the responsibility of sovereign nations south of the Mexican border to curtail their endorsement of their countrymen violating our laws, and the rights of the United States to honor the path to legal residency people from other countries dutifully abide by.
Thanks be to God that we can bring these issues to His throne! To the extent that people of faith whittle away their personal agendas and focus on what glorifies Christ, perhaps the freedom from political partisanship can be one step towards a greater testimony from our lives and churches of His sovereignty and rule over all affairs of men:
1 Why do the nations rage and the peoples plot in vain? 2 The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD and against his Anointed, saying, 3 "Let us burst their bonds apart and cast away their cords from us."
4 He who sits in the heavens laughs; the Lord holds them in derision. 5 Then he will speak to them in his wrath, and terrify them in his fury, saying, 6 "As for me, I have set my King on Zion, my holy hill."
7 I will tell of the decree: The LORD said to me, "You are my Son; today I have begotten you. 8 Ask of me, and I will make the nations your heritage, and the ends of the earth your possession. 9 You shall break them with a rod of iron and dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel."
10 Now therefore, O kings, be wise; be warned, O rulers of the earth. 11 Serve the LORD with fear, and rejoice with trembling. 12 Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and you perish in the way, for his wrath is quickly kindled. Blessed are all who take refuge in him. - Psalm 2 (ESV)
_____
All the big talking heads from those earnest Moral Majority days have either passed away or faded into obscurity. Although they had valid concerns about our country, they tended to rely more on political parties than the Sovereign One Who laughs at them. Even as they preached the evils of legalism, they insisted they could legislate morality.
Despite the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy Hillary Clinton was convinced the Jerry Falwells of America had amassed, we still got AIDS, high divorce rates, high drug abuse rates, high teenage pregnancy rates, 9/11, and everything else with which they claimed God would plague America. Whether these were legitimate plagues or simply the inevitable fallout from decades of sin by people both inside and outside the church, it's hard to say, because for many leaders of the right, rhetoric often trumped discipline.
Partly as an extension of myopic Moral Majority activism, the evangelical church fragmented as idealistic seeker “paradigms” perpetrated pop culture on congregations nationwide. Eventually, the Republican Party was vilified by even some of its own members for bowing to right-wing special interests and marginalizing its appeal to independents.
We got Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, the biggest government bureaucracy we’ve ever had, and eventually simultaneous wars in the Middle East, along with ownership of GM and a ludicrous Wall Street bailout. Not to mention Rush Limbaugh.
Indeed, looking at our country today, could you guess the Moral Majority ever existed?
Tea and Pie
Not that all has been lost. Despite its kitschy media presence and illogical blowhards like Andrew Breitbart, our underdog Tea Party movement has been a grass-roots coup of sorts. Disenchanted voters of all stripes have emerged to showcase frustrations about over-lobbied legislators and reckless government spending. Although some Republican stalwarts worry Tea Partiers could actually dilute the conservative agenda, Republicans ignore the fact that they've had plenty of opportunities to right our fiscal ship, yet haven't.
Once the envy of pastors everywhere, Willow Creek Community Church’s now-tarnished seeker-sensitive overhaul of Christianity has inadvertently contributed to a backlash towards a more reformed theology, although some neo-Calvinists insist on dragging their electric keyboards along. The evangelical church has also been invaded by an Internet-fueled explosion in trendy preachers and hip ministries each clamoring for an ever-shrinking piece of the Christianity pie.
Which brings us to that part of the Christianity pie that still harbors lingering angst over how we’re supposed to be changing the world for Christ. Despite being accused of colluding with Catholics, respected activist Chuck Colson has launched manhattandeclaration.org in an effort to rally conservatives from multiple faiths around core faith values of heterosexual marriage, the sanctity of life, and religious liberty. Renowned PCA pastor Tim Keller helped found The Gospel Coalition in an effort to differentiate socially-progressive, theologically-conservative churches from more liberal mainline ones. And the granddaddy of them all, Focus on the Family, has seen the passing of the political-activist torch from founder James Dobson to… nobody seems certain.
Churches Reconsidering Their Political Roles
If any mortal knows the new political role our evangelical community is supposed to be playing these days, they’re keeping it a well-guarded secret. Indeed, opinions seem to be all over the map when it comes to how conservative religious leaders think we should be responding to issues like illegal immigration and nationalized healthcare.
Down at Florida’s famous Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church, the death of founding pastor D. James Kennedy, who in his later years turned his pulpit into a hawkish political platform, made way for the comparatively dispassionate Tullian Tchividjian. As successor to Kennedy's staunchly conservative mantle, Tchividjian's reluctance to wear it came as an insult to some in the congregation. They perceived him as waffling on core social principles, a complaint which contributed to a church split which saw 400 people leave last year. How accurate are the frustrations and disappointments of these disaffected members who think Tchividjian is too soft on controversial topics? It’s hard to tell, since Tchividjian's supporters actually barred six rabblerousers from church property, a petulant move which was later castigated by a denominational committee.
Then there’s Keller, who also founded his own church, but on the liberal bastion of Manhattan Island. In multiple sermons, Keller has espoused what sounds to alarmed right-wing hawks like wealth redistribution, where rich church-goers contribute to the needs of less-wealthy congregants to help prevent poverty from disrupting their faith community. Keller, one of the celebrity pastors in the patriarchal Presbyterian Church in America, has also allowed women to serve Holy Communion, which he excuses as an olive branch to liberal urban females. That and other issues seem to have limited Keller's influence outside of reformed circles.
Media darling Rick Warren, pastor of uber-chic Saddleback Church in - where else? - California, has emerged from the seeker crisis he championed alongside Willow Creek with a far more pronounced public image. Warren has tried to play the political field, confounding some conservatives by hosting an election year summit of presidential candidates, despite being accused of playing in to the hands of Democratic political operatives. Some right-wingers have particularly vilified Warren as being too cozy with liberals on environmental issues like global warming.
Not to be outdone in confounding the conservative movement, the Southern Baptist Convention, that historic bastion of conservative ideology, has come out in support of what amounts to amnesty for illegal immigrants from Central America. Their reasoning is based on passages like Exodus 22 and Deuteronomy 10, which basically say Israel should not discriminate against foreigners in her land.
And then there’s Willow Creek’s own Bill Hybels, who not only has curried favor with Democratic politicians in the past, much to the consternation of conservatives, but has now sided with the Southern Baptists in lobbying Congress for illegal immigrant amnesty. Hybels and Leith Anderson, a pastor from suburban Minneapolis and president of the National Association of Evangelicals, claim to be forging new political alliances with Hispanics, many of whom would probably fit the general profile of conservative voters if... well, they were legal and could vote.
Faith Still Matters
Of course, none of these changes means that evangelical Christians no longer matter as voters. In some respects, it may be beneficial. Having people of faith wrestling over these issues rather than just accepting planks of a political party's platform could even result in believers reading their Bibles themselves to see what God really says - or doesn't say - about legislation we think is important.
The recent support by evangelical organizations for what is considered liberal policy - most particularly seen in the debate over illegal immigration, but also over nationalized healthcare and the environment - represents a marked departure for some people of faith who might have previously been expected to vote along the Republican party line. Having this dependable block of voters now segmented by the issues scares some conservatives who anticipate bigger battles over bigger issues and who think they need bigger numbers of voters to sway influence and policy.
While I personally oppose any form of amnesty for people who have intentionally broken laws to enter our country and contribute to the distortion of pay scales for menial labor, I can understand where the Southern Baptists and pastors Hybels and Anderson are coming from when it comes to respecting the dignity of life, even if you are illegal. However, since all three of these espouse the church growth movement, I suspect ulterior motives are at play in addition to their professed concern over human rights.
Other issues complicate our illegal immigration issue here in the United States which don't negate the validity of scripture referencing foreigners in Israel, but could mean those scriptures don't fully apply, either. These issues include Americans who don't want to pay for the real value of labor, immigration policies which can seem to reward the practice of illegal immigration, the responsibility of sovereign nations south of the Mexican border to curtail their endorsement of their countrymen violating our laws, and the rights of the United States to honor the path to legal residency people from other countries dutifully abide by.
Thanks be to God that we can bring these issues to His throne! To the extent that people of faith whittle away their personal agendas and focus on what glorifies Christ, perhaps the freedom from political partisanship can be one step towards a greater testimony from our lives and churches of His sovereignty and rule over all affairs of men:
1 Why do the nations rage and the peoples plot in vain? 2 The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD and against his Anointed, saying, 3 "Let us burst their bonds apart and cast away their cords from us."
4 He who sits in the heavens laughs; the Lord holds them in derision. 5 Then he will speak to them in his wrath, and terrify them in his fury, saying, 6 "As for me, I have set my King on Zion, my holy hill."
7 I will tell of the decree: The LORD said to me, "You are my Son; today I have begotten you. 8 Ask of me, and I will make the nations your heritage, and the ends of the earth your possession. 9 You shall break them with a rod of iron and dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel."
10 Now therefore, O kings, be wise; be warned, O rulers of the earth. 11 Serve the LORD with fear, and rejoice with trembling. 12 Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and you perish in the way, for his wrath is quickly kindled. Blessed are all who take refuge in him. - Psalm 2 (ESV)
_____
Friday, July 16, 2010
Obamas Ruining Maine Weekend
Do you think Michelle Obama reads my blog?
After all, they’re going to coastal Maine this weekend for a quickie vacation, and don’t moms usually plan out family trips?
In this case, however, whoever planned this jaunt to the seaside has royally screwed things up.
First of all, plans were finalized only earlier this week. For the president to travel to a small island. In Maine. In the summer.
There is only one bridge linking Mount Desert Island, the First Family’s destination, to the mainland. There is no airport on Mount Desert Island, so the presidential motorcade will be tying up traffic for miles. Traffic that is already pretty challenging on a normal summer weekend.
Maine’s state motto is “vacationland” because, as I’ve raved myself in this blog, it’s a wonderful place to visit. Nobody is blaming the Obamas for wanting to enjoy some time there; indeed, the Bush family owns an entire island compound further down Maine’s coast in Kennebunkport.
The difference, however, is that the Bush’s compound, being an island, means that they could make presidential visits whenever they wanted and the town’s daily life didn’t grind to a halt. In Bar Harbor, the signature village on Mount Desert Island, this weekend’s sudden appearance by the First Family has turned life upside down.
So Much for Economic Stimulus
Some friends of mine piece together a meager Maine existence by creating and selling handcrafted Maine-themed birds, lamps, and souvenirs. They’re members of the Penobscot Valley Craft Association that had already scheduled a show at the College of the Atlantic in Bar Harbor for this weekend. However, when the Obamas made their last-minute booking at the next-door hotel, suddenly everything was cancelled. Roads were closed. Businesses forced to shutter. Late Wednesday, the College of the Atlantic evicted the craft show.
Of course, having a neighboring hotel hosting the president was something the College of the Atlantic couldn’t control, so they’ve refused to grant refunds to the Penobscot Valley Craft Association and its vendors. Along with the forfeited application fees paid by vendors, my friends are losing revenue by missing what could have been a lucrative summer weekend selling to Bar Harbor tourists in the middle of the season. Plus, because of the Obamas poor timing, none of these vendors have been able to schedule anything else at this late date to replace what they’re now losing. It’s one big economic mess in one of the country’s most economically-starved states.
Way to go, O!
Chump Change You Can Believe In
And you know what, it’s all the fault of the Obama family. You can’t blame anybody else.
You can’t blame the hotel for not passing on the chance to host a sitting president. You can’t blame the village of Bar Harbor for letting the Secret Service shut down streets and businesses for security purposes. You can’t blame the tourists who are already leaving Mount Desert because they know a presidential visit will wreak havoc on the island. You can’t blame the College of the Atlantic for being caught between a greedy hotel and its own budget concerns.
If the Obamas had planned their schedule better, and inquired about staying in a seaside Maine hotel earlier in the year, officials and businesses on Mount Desert Island would have had plenty of time for contingency planning - or suggesting that September is also a nice time to visit.
If the Obamas had realized how important tourism is to Maine’s struggling economy, they would have been more mindful of how their presence would disrupt an already hectic summer weekend there.
And if the Obamas were serious about participating in the president’s plea for Americans to vacation along the Gulf of Mexico because of the oil disaster there, then what are they doing halfway across the continent in pristine Maine?
Besides, doesn’t he have a lot of millionaire Democrat friends on the island they can stay with? It’s not like Mount Desert is bereft of wealthy liberals owning seaside estates. If the family is this disorganized and ineffectual, at least some of their political friends could have helped them out to minimize some of the bad PR coming their way. Staying on the island at all will be a monumental headache for everyone, but at least private oceanfront estates remove the presidential entourage from the close quarters of village life in Bar Harbor.
So enjoy your family’s stay in Maine this weekend, Mr. President. You’ll be the only ones.
_____
After all, they’re going to coastal Maine this weekend for a quickie vacation, and don’t moms usually plan out family trips?
In this case, however, whoever planned this jaunt to the seaside has royally screwed things up.
First of all, plans were finalized only earlier this week. For the president to travel to a small island. In Maine. In the summer.
There is only one bridge linking Mount Desert Island, the First Family’s destination, to the mainland. There is no airport on Mount Desert Island, so the presidential motorcade will be tying up traffic for miles. Traffic that is already pretty challenging on a normal summer weekend.
Maine’s state motto is “vacationland” because, as I’ve raved myself in this blog, it’s a wonderful place to visit. Nobody is blaming the Obamas for wanting to enjoy some time there; indeed, the Bush family owns an entire island compound further down Maine’s coast in Kennebunkport.
The difference, however, is that the Bush’s compound, being an island, means that they could make presidential visits whenever they wanted and the town’s daily life didn’t grind to a halt. In Bar Harbor, the signature village on Mount Desert Island, this weekend’s sudden appearance by the First Family has turned life upside down.
So Much for Economic Stimulus
Some friends of mine piece together a meager Maine existence by creating and selling handcrafted Maine-themed birds, lamps, and souvenirs. They’re members of the Penobscot Valley Craft Association that had already scheduled a show at the College of the Atlantic in Bar Harbor for this weekend. However, when the Obamas made their last-minute booking at the next-door hotel, suddenly everything was cancelled. Roads were closed. Businesses forced to shutter. Late Wednesday, the College of the Atlantic evicted the craft show.
Of course, having a neighboring hotel hosting the president was something the College of the Atlantic couldn’t control, so they’ve refused to grant refunds to the Penobscot Valley Craft Association and its vendors. Along with the forfeited application fees paid by vendors, my friends are losing revenue by missing what could have been a lucrative summer weekend selling to Bar Harbor tourists in the middle of the season. Plus, because of the Obamas poor timing, none of these vendors have been able to schedule anything else at this late date to replace what they’re now losing. It’s one big economic mess in one of the country’s most economically-starved states.
Way to go, O!
Chump Change You Can Believe In
And you know what, it’s all the fault of the Obama family. You can’t blame anybody else.
You can’t blame the hotel for not passing on the chance to host a sitting president. You can’t blame the village of Bar Harbor for letting the Secret Service shut down streets and businesses for security purposes. You can’t blame the tourists who are already leaving Mount Desert because they know a presidential visit will wreak havoc on the island. You can’t blame the College of the Atlantic for being caught between a greedy hotel and its own budget concerns.
If the Obamas had planned their schedule better, and inquired about staying in a seaside Maine hotel earlier in the year, officials and businesses on Mount Desert Island would have had plenty of time for contingency planning - or suggesting that September is also a nice time to visit.
If the Obamas had realized how important tourism is to Maine’s struggling economy, they would have been more mindful of how their presence would disrupt an already hectic summer weekend there.
And if the Obamas were serious about participating in the president’s plea for Americans to vacation along the Gulf of Mexico because of the oil disaster there, then what are they doing halfway across the continent in pristine Maine?
Besides, doesn’t he have a lot of millionaire Democrat friends on the island they can stay with? It’s not like Mount Desert is bereft of wealthy liberals owning seaside estates. If the family is this disorganized and ineffectual, at least some of their political friends could have helped them out to minimize some of the bad PR coming their way. Staying on the island at all will be a monumental headache for everyone, but at least private oceanfront estates remove the presidential entourage from the close quarters of village life in Bar Harbor.
So enjoy your family’s stay in Maine this weekend, Mr. President. You’ll be the only ones.
_____
Monday, July 5, 2010
Indiscreet in Borough Park
Don't believe me about my mafia story from Friday, do ya?
Too goofy for your reality?
Well, here's another, shorter one to either feed your skepticism - or whet your imagination:
My aunt's best friends in Brooklyn moved out of their co-op building in Sunset Park to a spacious (well, spacious for Brooklyn) 2-story home in the nearby neighborhood of Borough Park. Their sturdy, brick row house was semi-detached, meaning it shared one wall with another, similar house next door. Our friends remodeled their house extensively, and put in a new backyard with shrubs, trees, and a brick patio. Just the right ambiance for their many backyard barbeques!
Being a city back yard, it was about the size of a suburban living room, and although it had masonry walls all around it, being so closely surrounded by other 2-story homes meant privacy wasn't abundant. Still, on those balmy summer evenings when we'd all get together, it was easy to forget how gritty Brooklyn can be.
There used to be a wonderful German deli nearby called Karl Ehmer's, and our friends used to buy the most succulent sausages from them! Along with the decadent pasta their daughter-in-law would bring, and the pastries their daughter would buy from Your Baker or Jean Danet in Bay Ridge, we had some pretty delicious parties in that backyard.
Did I mention it was open-air?
And by now, you know I tend to talk too much.
Well, with all of that wonderful food and in the company of good friends, one evening early in my New York City life, I made the mistake of telling a mafia joke.
And the conversation utterly ground to an awkward halt.
People stopped eating.
The lady of the house, who was sitting next to me, leaned over cautiously and whispered, "we don't talk about that outdoors."
After more awkward silence, people began eating and chatting again. Everyone knew how naive I was, this silly suburban guy from Texas. Before long, my faux pas was forgotten.
Except it wasn't. As we walked home later, my aunt explained to me that in Brooklyn, such topics are never discussed when other people can hear you. It's just not wise. Not that any harm might come to you by being indiscreet when it came to the subject of La Cosa Nostra, but Brooklyn being Brooklyn, you never know who might misinterpret what you're talking about.
She said she should have told me before, especially since you-know-who owns the building at the end of the block. The one with the glass climate-controlled garage housing a silver Rolls Royce.
I got the message. I couldn't refuse.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Mrs. Skagan's Landlord
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| Me, Edith Skagan, and my aunt, Helena, at my grandmother's grave in Brooklyn's Green-Wood Cemetery, probably in 1986. |
It wasn't until a woman tossed a firecracker under the baby carriage that I exploded.
You see, she'd lit the illegal pyrotechnic before she'd tossed it.
Okay, so: Let me explain. Back when France had a conscience, it gave us the Statue of Liberty to grace New York Harbor, and Lady Liberty's centennial was in the summer of 1986. Along with my aunt in Brooklyn and some friends of hers, I found myself that July in Sunset Park, overlooking New York Bay with a front-and-center view of the Statue of Liberty and all of the anniversary festivities.
Chrysler Corporation's much-admired chairman, Lee Iacocca, had led a committee which developed a stunning panoply to commemorate the statue's 100 years. My aunt and I had already been to Lower Manhattan and visited the enormous street fair celebrating the centennial in the canyons of the Financial District. That evening, a fireworks show to outclass all fireworks shows had been scheduled, and Sunset Park, located along Brooklyn's high western flanks, provided one of the best vantage points anywhere.
Back then, that section of Brooklyn was still considered too dangerous and crime-ridden for normal white folk from Manhattan or the suburbs. So, they pretty much stayed away. Instead, the park filled up with some die-hard whites from Bay Ridge, a middle-class neighborhood nearby, and a lot of Puerto Ricans and Dominicans from the 'hood surrounding the park. And my aunt and me, plus Edith Skagan, a retired Irish widow who lived on my aunt's block. Plus a cute little Lebanese boy who couldn't have been more than four years old. He was the son of the Lebanese mafia don who owned the building where Edith lived.
Yeah, I'll get to him in a minute.
Edith and the Lebanese Mafia Don
Edith was a plain, thin woman with stringy, shoulder-length gray hair, who mostly wore simple dresses that used to be typical of the city's immigrant cleaning ladies. For decades, she had lived in the four-floor walk-up at the end of the block before a Lebanese, um, businessman bought the building.
And built a glass, climate-controlled one-car garage in the alley for his silver Rolls Royce.
To appreciate the absurdity it was to see a glass-ceilinged garage housing a mint-condition Rolls in dumpy, graffiti-smeared Sunset Park, try to imagine the best-looking house in your city with a smelly Dumpster permanently placed in its driveway. What we saw in that Sunset Park alley was the direct opposite of the Dumpster image in your mind.
And how did that certify his mafia status? In a neighborhood rampant with vandalism, nobody ever dared break any of the glass panes out of which his garage was made.
At any rate, this guy feigned a series of businesses in his building's ground-floor storefront, but none of them were legit. For example, his real estate office featured blurred photocopies of genuine Realtors' homes for sale taped to the window. Another time, he claimed to run a restaurant there, but with no kitchen or staff, the menu he pasted onto the window didn't fool anybody. One evening, as my aunt came home from work, the Lebanese guy was standing on the sidewalk outside his "restaurant." He called out my aunt by name, and proceeded to cajole her into the restaurant for dinner.
"We all know you don't have a restaurant here," my aunt protested, laughing. "Why are you telling me you can serve me dinner?"
"Hey, I've been tipped that the health inspector is coming here this evening, so I've gotta make this look respectable," he hastily explained. Apparently, he had hired a caterer and really did have some gourmet food waiting inside.
My aunt turned down his invitation.
Sound wild and wacky? That was Brooklyn not too long ago. And the father of the kid I was pushing in the stroller that night back in 1986 when a Puerto Rican woman tossed a lit firework underneath it.
Bombs Bursting Everywhere
There were amateur fireworks everywhere. All illegal, of course, but cops didn't tend to stick around Sunset Park after dark back then. Besides, there were thousands of people with fireworks; the noise deafening, the smoke gagging, the brazen defiance of law and order mind-bending. My aunt, Edith, and I were frustrated - but not surprised - that so many people could hold the law with so little regard. It almost made the Lebanese mafia don seem quaint in his desire to appease the health inspector.
And here was his kid - Edith was baby-sitting that night, but she had given up trying to navigate the stroller amongst the throngs of people, so I had taken over - with a lit firecracker within inches of his little posterior.
I yelled at the woman who had thrown it. In 1986, I still remembered most of my high school Spanish, and I communicated to her my displeasure at her actions. I stretched my foot under the stroller and stomped out the firecracker, the woman who had thrown it looking at me in disgust.
When Iacocca's massive fireworks spectacle erupted over the bay, on Liberty Island, and on Manhattan Island, people throwing their cheap personal fireworks in Sunset Park soon realized how outclassed theirs were. Fortunately, we were able to watch the splendor unfolding across the water in relative sanity. It seemed as though rockets were being launched from every square inch of land around the Statue of Liberty and the tip of Manhattan, with barges in the water also adding to the dazzling display. I have never seen another fireworks show like it, and actually became a fireworks snob after that evening, since nothing else can compare to it.
Eventually, the fireworks ended, and many of us in Sunset Park decided to head home. I'm sure there was a sizable crowd that stayed on in the park until who knows when, doing who knows what. But Edith had to return her charge, so we made our way past the park's derelict bath house (since remodeled, after years of vandalism and decay) and the park's eastern gateway, to our block, which mercifully, provided a distinct respite from the cacophony.
Moving On
My aunt hasn't seen their Lebanese friend for a number of years now. Neighborhood scuttlebutt said he lost his influence in Brooklyn's Arab community and returned to Beirut, where he had sent his son to live not long after our adventure in Sunset Park. The glass garage is only climate-controlled now by virtue of cracks in the glass and seals that have lost their weatherproofing, and the silver Rolls Royce disappeared even before its owner did. (Update: recent images from Google Maps appear to show that the garage is now entirely gone.)
A couple of years after the Statue of Liberty's centennial, however, after an exquisite crystal chandelier and a grand piano were placed in full view of the street from his apartment, the Lebanese don phoned my aunt to say that he hadn't seen Edith for several days, and he suspected the worst. Both he and my aunt knew Edith hadn't been well. He had a master key to her apartment, but for feminine propriety's sake, would my aunt come up with him to check on her?
He unlocked her door and they both went into Edith's apartment, only to find her corpse, fully clothed, and her sparsely-furnished rooms immaculate. EMS workers believed she had probably passed away quietly, suddenly, and without pain.
Her Lebanese landlord graciously took care of all the arrangements, and personally paid to fly her body back to Ireland.
To appreciate the absurdity it was to see a glass-ceilinged garage housing a mint-condition Rolls in dumpy, graffiti-smeared Sunset Park, try to imagine the best-looking house in your city with a smelly Dumpster permanently placed in its driveway. What we saw in that Sunset Park alley was the direct opposite of the Dumpster image in your mind.
And how did that certify his mafia status? In a neighborhood rampant with vandalism, nobody ever dared break any of the glass panes out of which his garage was made.
At any rate, this guy feigned a series of businesses in his building's ground-floor storefront, but none of them were legit. For example, his real estate office featured blurred photocopies of genuine Realtors' homes for sale taped to the window. Another time, he claimed to run a restaurant there, but with no kitchen or staff, the menu he pasted onto the window didn't fool anybody. One evening, as my aunt came home from work, the Lebanese guy was standing on the sidewalk outside his "restaurant." He called out my aunt by name, and proceeded to cajole her into the restaurant for dinner.
"We all know you don't have a restaurant here," my aunt protested, laughing. "Why are you telling me you can serve me dinner?"
"Hey, I've been tipped that the health inspector is coming here this evening, so I've gotta make this look respectable," he hastily explained. Apparently, he had hired a caterer and really did have some gourmet food waiting inside.
My aunt turned down his invitation.
Sound wild and wacky? That was Brooklyn not too long ago. And the father of the kid I was pushing in the stroller that night back in 1986 when a Puerto Rican woman tossed a lit firework underneath it.
Bombs Bursting Everywhere
There were amateur fireworks everywhere. All illegal, of course, but cops didn't tend to stick around Sunset Park after dark back then. Besides, there were thousands of people with fireworks; the noise deafening, the smoke gagging, the brazen defiance of law and order mind-bending. My aunt, Edith, and I were frustrated - but not surprised - that so many people could hold the law with so little regard. It almost made the Lebanese mafia don seem quaint in his desire to appease the health inspector.
And here was his kid - Edith was baby-sitting that night, but she had given up trying to navigate the stroller amongst the throngs of people, so I had taken over - with a lit firecracker within inches of his little posterior.
I yelled at the woman who had thrown it. In 1986, I still remembered most of my high school Spanish, and I communicated to her my displeasure at her actions. I stretched my foot under the stroller and stomped out the firecracker, the woman who had thrown it looking at me in disgust.
When Iacocca's massive fireworks spectacle erupted over the bay, on Liberty Island, and on Manhattan Island, people throwing their cheap personal fireworks in Sunset Park soon realized how outclassed theirs were. Fortunately, we were able to watch the splendor unfolding across the water in relative sanity. It seemed as though rockets were being launched from every square inch of land around the Statue of Liberty and the tip of Manhattan, with barges in the water also adding to the dazzling display. I have never seen another fireworks show like it, and actually became a fireworks snob after that evening, since nothing else can compare to it.
Eventually, the fireworks ended, and many of us in Sunset Park decided to head home. I'm sure there was a sizable crowd that stayed on in the park until who knows when, doing who knows what. But Edith had to return her charge, so we made our way past the park's derelict bath house (since remodeled, after years of vandalism and decay) and the park's eastern gateway, to our block, which mercifully, provided a distinct respite from the cacophony.
Moving On
My aunt hasn't seen their Lebanese friend for a number of years now. Neighborhood scuttlebutt said he lost his influence in Brooklyn's Arab community and returned to Beirut, where he had sent his son to live not long after our adventure in Sunset Park. The glass garage is only climate-controlled now by virtue of cracks in the glass and seals that have lost their weatherproofing, and the silver Rolls Royce disappeared even before its owner did. (Update: recent images from Google Maps appear to show that the garage is now entirely gone.)
A couple of years after the Statue of Liberty's centennial, however, after an exquisite crystal chandelier and a grand piano were placed in full view of the street from his apartment, the Lebanese don phoned my aunt to say that he hadn't seen Edith for several days, and he suspected the worst. Both he and my aunt knew Edith hadn't been well. He had a master key to her apartment, but for feminine propriety's sake, would my aunt come up with him to check on her?
He unlocked her door and they both went into Edith's apartment, only to find her corpse, fully clothed, and her sparsely-furnished rooms immaculate. EMS workers believed she had probably passed away quietly, suddenly, and without pain.
Her Lebanese landlord graciously took care of all the arrangements, and personally paid to fly her body back to Ireland.
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